#too_big_to_handle THE STRUGGLES THAT INSPIRED OTHERS | A LESSON FROM ZOE PARSON

Zoe's story is a powerful reminder that love is about trust, openness, and communication, not jealousy and control. She hopes that by sharing her experience, others can recognize the warning signs of an abusive relationship and find the courage to leave.


I think identifying red flags when you’re in an abusive relationship or dating is actually really hard. I, when I started dating my ex, I actually didn’t know anything about red flags. And though there were certain things in his behaviour that I thought wasn’t right. I made excuses. I thought it was because with those cultural differences, I thought it was because he left his home and moved to my home, which was a different country.

I thought it was because he was stressed from work. He then said that he was depressed. So when he got tablets, which he never actually took. So again, you can kind of see, even with that, that was a manipulation. But I do remember when we was dating, he wouldn’t accept the word No, it I would say no to things and he would always push past that. try and convince me The y’s pressure me until I gave in or did what he wanted. And at the time, I just found it frustrating. And obviously, when I ended up, when we ended up getting married the whole, him not accepting the word no became a massive issue. And that’s actually one of the reasons why he’s in prison because he’s in prison for raping me. And essentially, that is because he can accept the word no. So when I look back now, with the knowledge that I have, I realise that not being able to accept the word no, is actually a massive red flag. But it was one that I wasn’t aware of, and I think, you know, red flags ident. educating yourself, before you go into relationships is essential to be able to protect yourself from these types of people. You know, they are out there, they are expert manipulators. They are predators, they’re essentially hunting for people like us who are vulnerable, who have got maybe wounds from our childhood from previous relationships, that we thought we were okay. But actually, we’re not. And they just target us. And because of our attachment style and our own vulnerabilities, we become more susceptible to their manipulation. So yeah, definitely, red flags. If they don’t accept no is a red flag, if they rush you, that’s a red flag if they start to display very jealous behaviour. So for me, growing up, I felt that jealousy was a positive thing in a relationship. You know, we watch movies, and we seeing, 
 
That jealousy is something that means that they love you, the more jealous they are, the more they love you, right? So I felt I had a jealous partner. And I start off just because he’s passionate about me and in love with me. And actually, that’s not the case. It’s like jealousy is a massive red flag. And it’s a symptom, or a sign of control. It’s not about love. Love is about trust, openness and communication. It’s not about jealousy, and wanting to know where you are and who you’re speaking to, and what’s going on on your social media. So that’s probably three red flags I can think of that I definitely noticed within my relationship.
 
I was in an abusive relationship for years and lived with the emotional, physical, and financial scars. To begin my journey to heal from these wounds, I invested in educating myself on abuse dynamics via books such as Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. After that came a 12-week group session called ‘The Freedom Program’, which focused on understanding different tactics used by abusers while also highlighting what healthy relationships should look like – it helped me feel less alone despite being surrounded by other women who shared similar experiences.


After experiencing trauma, it can be difficult to break free from the fear and pain that may seem insurmountable. For this particular case, a combination of talk therapy—visualization techniques, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing (EMDR) were used in order for healing to occur. During EMDR sessions especially, suppressed memories emerged which revealed truths otherwise unknown even on a subconscious level – helping her understand how deeply rooted the damage went. Through hard work though she eventually was able to overcome PTSD; living without nightmares or panic attacks while forming healthy relationships with those around her including herself through self-love care and compassion!
 
When a person leaves an abusive relationship, they may feel like their abuser is happy and succeeding while they are left struggling with emotional turmoil. It can be easy to become fixated on the other party’s life instead of focusing on healing; however, it’s incredibly important for those in this situation to practice self-care by taking actions that make themselves happy. Children who have been victims of these types of relationships often exhibit negative behavior such as screaming or hitting out when asked simple tasks and struggle sleeping or expressing anxieties through physical pain like tummy aches. To help alleviate some issues here, it is beneficial for caregivers/parents involved in similar situations to talk openly about what happened using age appropriate language related bullying rather than simply blame one individual parent without saying why – emphasizing how unacceptable behaviors were exhibited during the abusive period helps children understand better going forward too.

Being kind, sharing and treating others with respect are all important values to impart on children. But when a parent is abusive it can be difficult for them to talk about these issues without being judged or feeling emotional pain. Parents in such situations should seek professional help if they feel overwhelmed by the situation; one resource that may prove helpful is “When Dad Hurts Mom” – an insightful book dealing specifically with protecting children from abuse while also mediating contact between parents as needed and safeguarding their (and your) mental health throughout this process.


Zoe I understand it, it’s hard, because you need someone who you feel that you connect with, but also someone who understands what you’ve been through. But obviously, also someone who doesn’t just understand but can also help you with practical solutions and just help you move forward. Yes, yeah, no, I understand. I think that’s probably one of the benefits of anyone who does decide to work with me is because I’ve experienced, they’re psychic, I’ve kind of everything that I help my clients with, is everything that I’ve had to do as well. And I think any, you know, provides hope that, you know, you can look at me, and you can see that they’re in a happy, healthy relationship. My little girl she’s healed from her trauma. I was diagnosed with PTSD. But I don’t have any of that now. And well, no, you can. Yeah. But you can. But I think it’s just proof that with, you know, work in the right support, you can totally get to a place where you can live your life and not just survive, but thrive and be happy and have like a really positive future without any of the side effects from having been in that abusive relationship. Yeah, of course, if you want to, if you want to work with me, yeah, we can talk offline and you can kind of get to know me know my style and everything.


Zoe said that when it comes to healthy relationships, understanding the role of our past experiences and being able to identify potential red flags are essential for self-protection. Growing up in a strict religious household with abandonment issues made me vulnerable later on when I entered an abusive relationship that I didn’t understand at first. Even subtle behaviours such as not accepting ‘no’ can be seen today as warning signs against future manipulation or abuse from partners down the line; taking time beforehand to educate yourself is one way you can protect your emotional wellbeing in any situation going forward!


I know from growing up as a child, my parents got divorced when I was six. And though I didn’t realise it at the time, because obviously, when your child becomes everything is become, but it’s normal for you. But when I got into the abusive relationship that I’m seeing, and as part of my healing journey, I identified that the impact that your childhood has on you and your future relationships is massive. I mean, I was brought up in a quite strict religious household. So obviously, there was very firm boundaries and guidelines in place, and also being my mum being a single parent. And with my dad not being around, perhaps I later learned that I had abandonment issues. So you do have these vulnerabilities I know from now becoming a counsellor, and obviously, where I help my clients is, a lot of the time, we repeat the patterns, from what we’ve learned from our very first relationship, which is from childhood. And the thing is, these are subconscious patterns, we’re not even aware that necessarily, we formed these behaviours, these attachment styles and these patterns. So it does have an impact when we then go out and we start dating and have a relationship.
 
 
Zoe understood the challenge of finding a suitable support system to help in healing from an abusive relationship. They emphasise the importance of connecting with someone who can relate to your experiences and provide practical solutions for moving forward. Drawing on their personal experience of healing from trauma and PTSD, the speaker has gained valuable knowledge and skills to help others in similar situations.



Childhood experiences can significantly impact adult relationships. Growing up in a strict religious household as a single parent’s child, the speaker developed abandonment issues that unconsciously affected their behavior and attachment style in future relationships.

Identifying Red Flags in Relationships 
Identifying red flags in a relationship can be tricky, and the speaker admits that they failed to recognize the red flags in their own relationship. They made excuses for their partner’s behavior, not realizing that not accepting the word “no” was a significant red flag that ultimately led to their partner committing rape. The speaker emphasizes the importance of educating oneself about red flags before entering a relationship to protect oneself from manipulators and predators who prey on vulnerable people. Some common red flags include jealousy, rushing into a relationship, and not accepting “no.”